To all IP1 Parents……

Hello, and welcome to the Cole Harbour Bel-Ayr Minor Hockey Association!  For those of you I have not yet met, My Name is Jim Bungay and I am the IP/Novice coordinator for our association.  Sometimes when somebody offers you advice, it can come across as condescending - like that one person that seems to know more than you do! That is certainly not my goal.  Even though I grew up playing hockey, I wish that somebody had relayed their experiences to me, before my child’s first day – Just so I knew what to expect. At risk of sounding like some sort of authority figure, I am going to relay our story to all of the new Hockey Parents…

I recall my son William’s first day of Hockey like it was yesterday - it was the first IP Evaluation session, September 2007.  That year there were about 45 players in the IP1 group; so between parents, grandparents, brother’s and other curious onlookers, the bleachers in Scotia II were pretty full!  The Bungay family was no different, two sets of grandparents – camera’s in hand - Mom, sisters all coming to see William’s first day.  I grew up playing hockey, so from the time that young fellow was born, dreams of cold arenas and cheep trophies filled my mind! - and today those dreams began.  I am not a parent who thinks his son is going to be the Next “Sid the Kid” I realize that William’s success in Hockey is completely up to his own dedication and hard work.  My only expectation (that I thought was realistic), was that he is going to learn some life lessons, make some friends  and have fun with this sport – just like I did as a child. I expected him to fall in love with hockey from Day One, just like I remember that I did. William watched the Mooseheads and Team Canada with me since he was 8 months old.  No, I didn’t push Hockey on my boy, but even a child can recognize a parent’s passion – and like any young boy, he wanted to play Hockey, just like his Dad.  William’s expectation’s were that he was going to be able to step on that ice, score some goals, make some hits and play hockey like his hero’s do at the Metro Center!!

Well, just like the other couple of hundred parents, players and spectators, we headed to that rink with our children, hockey sticks and expectations in hand.  We got ready (elbow to elbow) with the other players and headed towards the ice.  After battling our way through the crowd, the cameras and the other players, it was now time to realize a father’s dream of watching his Son start Hockey and a boy’s dream of playing something just like his Dad did……

Fast forward approximately 3 minutes……

As William lies on his back in the middle of the ice, the other children skate around him and, I realize that all eyes in this entire arena are on me.  I am the father who’s son is laying on his back, yelling up at him – “You said this was going to be fun – It isn’t”….. “I hate skating, I hate Hockey and I hate you”…..”This is the worst thing ever made me do – and you are the worst Father ever!”.  In a moment of self reflection, I question weather this is a healthy thing for me to be doing. I refused to be “the parent” that forces their son or daughter to do something they simply do not wish to do. But I also don’t believe in giving up too soon.  I wasn’t angry, but every bone in my body wanted to scoop him up, take him off of the ice and maybe, try this again next year.  Most parents applauded my patience and felt sympathy for me that day.  But I would be lying to you if I said this wasn’t one of the most frustrating things that had ever happened to me – and William would have said the same thing. As he lay there I calmly asked him to get up and try to skate….he refused….I told him (in the kindest Dad voice I could) that, “I was very disappointed in him for not trying”.  This made him cry harder than anything else….the fact that I was “disappointed”.

We got off the ice and as we headed home, I realized my mistake.  In retrospect, this situation was my completely fault.  This situation happened because my expectations and Williams expectations were not in line with each other that day. As we drove,  I told him how “proud” I was of him for staying on the ice, even though he hated Hockey.  I told him that because he did so good today, he deserved a treat on the way home.  As he sat in my truck eating his Timbits, he smiled a chocolate smile told me “Dad you know, hockey isn’t going to be that bad!”….he was right.

The truth is, after a few weeks, Will got a lot better at skating – just like these little players do every single year.  Every hockey morning he jumps out of bed, because he knew he was getting his Timbits for breakfast on the way to the rink.  This time with him has become so much more than playing hockey – it is our “Boy Time” together. No matter what happens at the rink, I am always “proud” of him (and I tell him), and he always gets his treat when we are done.  We created an experience together that only has a little bit to do with “Hockey”.  Somewhere along the way, both of our “expectations” got in line with each other and  after a few years, William is getting the Life lessons from Hockey that I expected – and he is getting to Score goals and be a hero like he expected…….I just wish the “expectations” had been in line on day one!!!

Hope this helps

Cheers

Jim